Case Study - Financial Responsibility
Forward to a Friend
“I’m okay with him making those decisions—he makes more money than me so I trust he’ll make good choices.” I was working with a couple who were engaged to be married. We’d been discussing having children which had led to the issue of finances and how having children would influence their finances. Sandra’s comment however sparked Brian to make an unexpected comment to her; “You could make more money if you would start seeing how capable you are instead of acting as if you’re grateful to have a job at all. Your boss would be lost without you yet when you asked for a raise, he made you feel as if you were draining the company coffers. He ‘guilted’ you to settle for far too low an amount."
Sandra looked at me nervously and gave a shrug of agreement—effectively acknowledging he was correct. Then I asked her, “Are you telling Brian that as a couple, you’re handing him the area of financial responsibility because you’re uncomfortable in this area?”
Sandra responded somewhat sheepishly that it seems like he does understand it much better than me so doesn’t that kind of make sense. I looked at Brian and said, “What do you think about this plan?”
Shaking his head no, he replied, “I truly feel that two heads are better than one and we need to work as team—looking at what we bring in, how we invest, plan for our future as well as how we spend. I’m concerned that she thinks by handing this over to me, she’s not only handing over the choice-making, but also the drive within her SELF to take full responsibility for her own life—or I guess Ann, you would say her Life Puzzle!”
“Brian, you make very good points.” I then turned and looked at Sandra and said, “When we marry, we don’t divvy up the pieces of our Life Puzzle—here, you take these 8 and I’ll do the others. You may not like the financial responsibility area of your Life Puzzle—but abandoning it at the feet of your fiancé isn’t the best solution. Would it occur to you to dive into learning everything you can in this area instead?”
Sandra sat quietly as she thought about her whole Life Puzzle-making. “I’ve always felt so challenged in this area—and you’re right, I’m trying to run away from it which leaves a gaping hole in my own Life Puzzle—and less capable of being a great partner with Brian.” Then she turned, looked at Brian and said, “I’ll choose to become an expert in this area if you’ll give me a little more time.”
I smiled at them both and said, “More marriages fail due to the financial area than any other. I’m glad that as a newly engaged couple, you’ve had this depth of communication on this topic’. As you can see…every piece does impact the whole!
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